notes from the summer

here now, a random collection of notes written during the summer. (warning: might be a bit heavy on the saccharine nature-lovin' side for some)

around june, a wave of baby cave crickets appeared in the back yard and have been growing up ever since. many succumbed to birds and spiders but many made it to adulthood. every fall and winter some manage to sneak into the basement and hang out indefinitely, even though there's nothing there for them to eat. mom and i really enjoyed the hoppy little things. they look like this, only darker.

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i'm visiting peru, december 16th - january 15th.

specifically it's my dad's holiday getaway to mancora, a northern peru resort, with his wife, four boys and their significant others.

he calls it a "once in a lifetime" event, but i hope there will be time in his life to do something like it again. he's certainly earned it. for myself, this will be a possible prelude to living in peru for a few months at a time. my desire to do so is based on my embarrassed need to complete my conversational spanish and get to know my peruvian extended family better.

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i am amused and surprised to see the squirrels clamboring out onto the thin branches of evergreen bushes in order to munch on the tiny fruits they find there (although my botany teacher would probably have hit me over the head for calling them "fruits"). i guess this is understandable as food resources dry up.

i wasn't able to get a great pic, but here you can see a rump and tail peeking out around six feet off the ground.

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i really liked these two nature-lamps and i'm sure mom would have also: first one. second one.

they appeared in this collection of crazy lamps:

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here's a little game i had some fun with. i call it the "obfuscated phrase" game.

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bunny the cat still amazes with her longevity. she's now headed towards her twenty-second year and more than ever she wants to go outdoors in the middle of the night during thunderstorms.

UPDATE: bunny is now living in the basement because john cannot be near her litter box with his immune sensitivity. fortunately, bunny is of a retiring nature, so this has not been a problem. john does feed her in the mornings and i go down at least once a day to visit her and groom her coat. she's doing fine and the basement is not very cold even in winter.

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one day i was grilling some food and went into the house for a moment to fetch some more cutlets to grill, and when i came back out there was a little finch with it's wings spread out sitting on the grill.

i shrieked and frantically fumbled around for something to rescue it with, trying to decide in a split second whether tongs or spatula would be best to lift it with, but then to my vast relief the bird flew off. what was that all about? nature teaching me an essentual lesson, obviously.

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here are two more pictures of mom that weren't in the funeral slideshow. i find them both pretty amazing. the first is likely from the hazel avenue house. the second one is probably from peru, around 2004.

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i've now lost 35 lbs since around may. the rate of decrease has been slowing, however, so this may be as far as i can go without exercising more. to that end i am trying to find a second bike i can set up in the house as an exercycle. that would be a much better resource than tennis because then i can exercise without having to go anywhere. you know, so i can collapse without being bothered to return home. :P

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ah, squirrels again. a squirrel mother risks all to protect her baby here. this reminded me of what happened in spring when the squirrel mother came over to rescue her caged child.

another day i was surprised to find a disembodied squirrel tail. i felt sorry for the unfortunate rodent, although i did read that squirrels can detach their tails to escape predators, as several other animals can do.

on the other hand, ever since i found the tail i've been looking for a squirrel without one and haven't seen it. on a side note, i researched the fact that grey squirrels can live a lot longer than i ever realised- around 12 years in the wild and 20 years in captivity. wow.

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for no particular reason i will now post some basketball pics from a couple years ago. i don't really have the energy to play these days but i would like to get back to it one day if possible:

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i've been using milkcrates for years as a handy carrying and storage medium. they are often available for free in west philly. people put them out on the curb on trash day even though they ought to be saving or recycling them. milkcrates are incredibly sturdy and handy, in case you didn't know.

recently i posed the question "how many milkcrates can a person carry with one hand?" and took a series of photos to demonstrate the results of my experimentation. also included are a description and pics of the bedside monitor swivel stand i built from milkcrates.

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the illness and then death of my mom helped to focus me emotionally, which in turn focused my thoughts, which led to a positive mindset. but now that the grieving time is winding down i consequently feel more scattered and unsure of myself. in fact i am slipping back into my habitual depression and anxiety.

acknowledging this, i've decided to try one of the med suggestions from the asian psychiatrist at the local health clinic. the drug is called "abilify" and was originally targetted for schizophrenia, but over time has apparently been useful for bipolar disorder and depression. abilify is therefore not a slam-dunk for my profile but i want to experiment a little bit and try something other than reuptake-inhibitors since i've traditionally gotten a lot of side effects from those.

as with a lot of things in my life, "we'll see how it goes."

UPDATE: the side-effects were too uncomfortable, so i stopped with my doc's permission. in retrospect, taking fish oil caps during the same period was a recipe for brain pain, not to be repeated for any good reason.

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getting back to nature, the hummingbirds are gone. they migrated around mid-august.

two or three of them drank flower nectar regularly, and it was an unforgettable experience for me. they were fairly tame little animals and i'm already looking forward to their return next spring.

often when i saw one of these bird-insect hybrids feeding, i felt like i was in the middle of a fairy tale. watching its fragile little self perching on the head of an onion-grass stalk swaying gently in the wind was unforgettable.

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one little test of my ability to concentrate and bring a task to its fruition is my billiards project. i am programming a simple pocket billiards simulation on the PC to be shared in the visual pinball community i've been a part of for six years plus. older picture. recent picture.

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walking out front to the butterfly bushes i can thrust my face into the situation and all the little moths, bees, butterflies and gossamer green flies pay me no mind.

the hulking black bumblebees clumsily go about their work and i'm surrounded by buzzing, humming, hovering creatures.

and when i stop and notice this i sometimes find myself in a sacred space, awkward to describe but never to be forgotten by my erratic human brain.

in this picture it's hard to see the insects but you can get a sense of being in the middle of things. note that the dark shape in the middle is a hummingbird.

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mom's headstone is finally here.

it's so much nicer to have this focal point that i can direct myself towards. i'm also getting better at addressing her with less trauma about her passing-- just sort of addressing her matter-of-factly about what's happening in my life and in the world. near view. far view.